20 Week Update (!!!)

 How far along: 20 weeks 6 days

Size of baby:  Small banana? Artichoke? At the 20 week anatomy scan they said 15oz though... Which is like 4+ oz larger than average....

Physical symptoms: Nausea is back!!! Not nearly as debilitatingly bad as the first trimester but I've definitely made a few bolts to the bathroom this week and have needed ginger beer or ginger anything throughout the day, every day since Monday. Those Gingermints from Trader Joe's and the Bruce cost ginger ale that I wrote about in my last post are still helping a lot. Super bloated after eating even something small. Headaches, stuffy nose (allergies). Restless legs when I lay down- prettttty bad. Trouble getting comfortable and falling asleep. EXHAUSTED. A little dizzy. Still constantly dying of thirst (and then urgently have to pee 2 seconds later... I literally pee before we go out, then go get my coat and by the time I get to the door I have to pee again). Constipated. Prettyyyyy moody and emotional. Some food aversions. Face is broken out. Big time "Pregnancy brain". Feet are killlllling if I'm standing/walking around for long. Dry skin.

Weight gain/loss: 8-10lbs

Maternity clothes: Mostly maternity tops. Non-maternity skirts and nylons still fit somehow. I also have a couple of non maternity dresses that work still. 
Stretch marks: Not yet!

Sleep: I'm exhausted. This week was really not great sleep-wise. A couple of nights I legit only got a few hour of sleep.

Best moment since last week: 20 week doctor appointment. I was literally if hong back tears in the waiting room bc I was so scared there would be no heartbeat. No reason. I was just sure it was all over. The lady started the ultrasound and of course starts from the head, checked out the brain for a good long while, and it was all cool by I just freaking wanted to see that dang heartbeat!! When she finally got to it, E specifically pointed it out to me and she even turned the sound on for a couple of seconds- we hadn't actually HEARD it since our 8week ultrasound at the RE!! We've seen it since then but haven't heard it. Love! So, all is well. We could see everything, even like heat sensors or something to "see" the blood going into all of the heart chambers, etc. E is in the medical field and had come straight from an overnight shift and started throwing out random questions- like "everything's good with the mouth? No cleft palette??" The lady was like "WHY? does that in in your family??" And he had to sheepishly tel her that no, it doesn't, he was just curious. She wasn't the friendliest woman, and after the 3rd question from E she made some comment about us being very nervous. E, VERY uncharacteristically, replied "This baby took us 5 years to conceive. There was a LOT of heartache. So, yes, we ARE feeling very worried and careful." Boom. I love love love that man. 

On Wednesday we went out to dinner with friends and they were super bummed that my bump wasn't more obvious. That same night we were on the subway home and saw one of E's grad school classmates. She was marveling at how he can manage a 40+ hour work week plus 12 credits every semester and he mentioned that this fall semester will be even crazier bc... Surprise... We're also having a baby! And her jaw dropped and she was like "What!! You're pregnant!? You don't look it AT ALL!!!" So that's interesting. I FEEL enormous btw. 

Movement: It happened!! Last night I was laying on my side and rolled partially only my stomach in the process of trying to get comfortable and he/she kicked or smacked me like 3x. I rolled off of my tummy quickly and it stopped right away. :)

Cravings/Aversions: I'm still more grossed out by things than craving them. Really wanted hot dogs Saturday night. Thankfully we had a BBQ planned for Sunday so I knew I'd get one! My Melba toast obsession has morphed into a Wasa cracker one. The sourdough kind!

Gender: Confirmed!! But idk if we're going to tell...

Labor signs: Hopefully not anyyytime soon.

Belly button:  Innie

What I miss: Sleeping. Cocktails and ice cold summer beers. Laying on my stomach. Not having a million aches and pains at any given time.... although the massages I'm getting from E are still pretty awesome. Being able to go 20 mins without peeing, lol

What I am looking forward to: Feeling the baby move more!! Alsoooo, my birthday is this week so E and I are potentially planning a little NYC staycation. We considered flying to Miami for a couple of nights (we wanted a short-ish flight to somewhere with lots of kosher food) but realized we have a bunch of friends down there who'd be upset if we didn't visit while we were there, AND that E's working three overnights in a row before we'd leave so he'd be pooped AND I'm constantly tired even while doing nothing, so a super jam-packed trip instead of a relaxing one probably isn't the best idea. NYC staycation it is, then!  :) 

Nausea Remedies

Guess who's back... Back again...?

Nausea's back! Tell your friends!

Just a little Slim Shady for ya there. No, but seriously, with week 20 came... More nausea. I shouldn't complain and I should be thankful that I got a 5-6 week break from it all, but dang.

I've tried everything... So much Ginger Ale. We found some with actual chunks of ginger floating around in it in a nearby bodega which has worked wonders. It's called Bruce Cost's Ginger Ale and looks like this (photo is from their website):

They have other flavors too, but I haven't tried them. Check out their website.

But we found these at Trader Joe's last night and they are 100% getting me through it today:

During my first trimester, white and red peppermint candies were also pretty helpful. None of it is so great sugar-wise but I legit can barely eat or drink when I'm this nauseous so I'm taking what I can get at this point. 

Someday Mama also just had a great video about what's getting her through her first trimester (with twins!) nausea, so check that out for more suggestions. I was just so excited about these candies that I had to post... immediately. :) 

I might need to invest in some of those sea sickness wrist bands I this won't chillax. 

19 Week Update

Wow. This week actually kind of flew by. 


Did anyone get that Shutterfly email this week? I thought that the way they handled the really awkward glitch was so sweet. I read the email in the middle of the night and my eyes teared up and I texted E about how sweet and thoughtful it was of them to send out such an apology: 

Idk if it was the hormones, but it really hit me as above and beyond sensitive and I appreciated it. A lot.

Whew. I'm having some brain farts so let's just get on with this...

 How far along: 19 weeks 5 days (2 days till the halfway point!?!)

Size of baby:  Large tomato, mango

Physical symptoms: Bloated after eating. Headaches, stuffy nose (allergies?). Restless legs when I lay down- prettttty bad. Trouble getting comfortable and falling asleep. A little dizzy, some heart flutter action going on once in awhile. I had these really awesome surges of energy this week and actually got a bunch of stuff done around the apartment, but I needed to take breaks to lay down for a few minutes every once in awhile. Still constantly dying of thirst (and then urgently have to pee 2 seconds later... I literally pee before we go out, then go get my coat and by the time I get to the door I have to pee again. Constipated, like whoa (I've been drinking prune juice every few days and that helps but tastes nassssty). Prettyyyyy moody and emotional. Some food aversions. My face is broken out. Stomach and chest have still been itchy. "Pregnancy brain"- tonight in the shower I washed myself with my loofah, shaved, then couldn't remember if I'd washed myself with the loofah... until after I washed myself with the loofah for the 2nd time. Cute. And new this week is that my feet have started killlllling if I'm standing/walking around for too long (the other day we walked 3.5 miles and I could barely get up the stairs by the time we got home lol). I otherwise feel great, it's legit just my feet. Oh and super dry skin.

Weight gain/loss: Anywhere from 7-10lbs... eek. That's 5-7lbs this month alone? Whoops... We have a Dr appt on Friday and I don't think he's going to be thrilled...

Maternity clothes: I started wearing almost exclusively maternity on Tuesday... I have a few things that aren't maternity and don't make me look like I'm just gaining weight, but I found a bunch of clothes at Target and Burlington Coat Factory this week so I'm trying to live that up. Here's a pic from the Brooklyn Botanic Gardens this week:

Stretch marks: Not yet!

Sleep: I'm exhausted. I have a really hard time falling asleep most nights but then I'll sleep for like 10-11 hours a few nights later but it's not helping. I'm taking a lot of mini "naps" where I don't actually fall asleep but I regain some energy. Idk!

Best moment since last week: We finallllllly hit our official "public" date. We have a custom to not "officially" tell people until we hit 4 months... and that was last Tuesday. So we told a few more people and I started wearing maternity clothes, even though I still feel like a poser in them. I got brunch with a friend on Thursday who'd also gone through yearssss of infertility before having her two kids, and found out that she used the same OB as we are (and loved him!!) and she has the same stroller as we got (and loves it). Woohoo! Today was Lag B'omer, a Jewish holiday, and there was a parade and a carnival in my neighborhood to celebrate. A bunch of friends came from as far as Boston to take their kids to it, so we got to see a ton of friends yesterday and today (we even went out to dinner with our Boston friends while their kids were with a babysitter). And we bought a glider this week!!! It was a floor model so it was only $100. I'm too excited about it:

Movement: I don't knowwwwww..... I need a really obvious kick or something to calm my nerves about this.

Cravings/Aversions: I'm still more grossed out by things than craving them. I'll go into the kitchen and can tell you exactly what I DON'T want, but have a really hard time finding something that I do want. I've been kind of having to force-feed myself every once in awhile. I've been eating a lot of melba toast with hummus for lunches though.

Gender: Going to confirm it at the 20week appt before we tell anyone, if anyone. 

Labor signs: Hopefully not anyyytime soon.

Belly button:  Innie

What I miss: Sleeping comfortably through the night. Cocktails, a little. Laying on my stomach. Not having a million aches and pains at any given time.... although the foot massages I'm getting from E are pretty awesome.

What I am looking forward to: Our 20 week appointment this Friday- full anatomy scan!? And feeling this kid realllly move (G-d willing). :)

18 Week Update

Whew. What a week.

 How far along: 18 weeks 6 days

Size of baby:  Sweet potato, Bell pepper (WHAT?!)

Physical symptoms: Bloated after eating. Headaches, stuffy nose (allergies?). Restless legs when I lay down- prettttty bad. Trouble getting comfortable and falling asleep. A little dizzy, some heart flutter action going on once in awhile. Sliiiightly less exhausted. Constantly dying of thirst (and then urgently have to pee 2 seconds later... I literally pee before we go out, then go get my coat and by the time I get to the door I have to pee again. Constipated, like whoa (sorry!). Prettyyyyy moody and emotional. Bizzaro-world dreams. Some food aversions. My face is constantly broken out. Oh, and here's a brand new one: My stomach and chest have been itchy. Awwwww damn, watch out for the stretch marks (I rubbed cocoa butter on myself once this week and gagged for like 3 hours from the smell). And last but not least, apparently "pregnancy brain" is a real thing- I'm the biggest freaking space cadet lately. I forget what I'm saying in the middle of a sentence, think it's the wrong day all day, etc. It's super cute. Not.

Weight gain/loss: Last time I checked it was about 5lbs but I've been realllllly constipated all week so I haven't checked in awhile.

Maternity clothes: I returned those two shirts to Target but couldn't find replacements... I bought another one off of eBay and that came today. Very exciting. But I'm in this awkward place between sort of fitting into regular clothes (and just looking "fat") and feeling like a total poser in maternity clothes because I'm not quite big enough. Idk. Is this "feeling like a poser" thing an infertiles issue? Like is it just that I'm somewhat in denial about this being real??

Stretch marks: Nope!

Sleep: I slept more than last week, but I'm still pretty exhausted. And this restless legs thing has got to freaking go.

Best moment since last week: We got a stroller!!!! I'd been researching strollers for a long time, but we "finally" went to look at them in person last week and E was pretty sold on the Uppababy Vista... which was amazing since that was also my first choice. But those suckers clock in at like $750, not including somewhat necessary add-ons, so there was noooo freaking way that was going to happen. Looong story short, we decided to find one on Craigslist... but since we have a custom to not have any of the baby items in our home before the baby is born (yes, I know!), I started looking for one near either E's parents or mine. First I found one near E's parents, like legit a 5 minute drive from their house, but the lady never got back to me. So then I found one near my parents, for even less than the first one (and way less than 1/2 the price of a new one). My mom went to check it out for us and BOOM. Sold! So now we have a barely-used (the woman used it for two years but in conjunction with two other expensive strollers!) Uppababy Vista with a bunch of extra add-ons. It'll stay at my parents' place until they visit post-birth... or something like that. Whatever. I'm freaking stoked.

Oooh also, Saturday night two different friends that I'd seen on Shabbos FB messaged me- one to call me out about this blog and how I hadn't mentioned this whole pregnancy thing when she asked "what's new?" that day (ha ha) and the other, who'd gone through years of infertility before having her two children wanted to let me know that she thinks about me every day and prays for us. :) Which was beyond sweet and it was fun getting to tell her. And she told me that just that day she was watching E play with another friend's sons and thought to herself what an amazing dad E is going to be someday. :) Couldn't agree more!

And my realllllly good friend's daughter (!!!) got engaged (!!!) so the engagement party was this past week and it was amazingly special.

Movement: I'm still not sure. Which has me on high alert because I was positive I was feeling him or her a couple of weeks ago, but I'm telling myself it must have been just gas all along. Idk....

Cravings/Aversions: I'm more grossed out by things than craving them. I'll go into the kitchen and can tell you exactly what I DON'T want, but have a really hard time finding something that I do want. I've been kind of having to force-feed myself every once in awhile. I did have a major craving for a margarita last night though! 

Gender: We found out at our 16 week appointment but are going to confirm it at the 20week appt before we tell anyone, if anyone. 

Labor signs: Hopefully not anyyytime soon.

Belly button:  Innie

What I miss: Sleeping comfortably through the night. Cocktails (I just need to suck it up and work the "mocktails" edge). Laying on my stomach (it hurts, yo). Looking good in clothing. Or out of clothing... haha? 

What I am looking forward to: Our 20 week appointment! :) And feeling this kid realllly move (G-d willing). :) And on Tuesday we can go public by all ways of counting to 4 months, so it realllly won't be a secret and I'll maybe feel more comfortable wearing maternity clothes in public (which I haven't done yet at all).

Mother's Day, Smother's Day

Boom.

Have I mentioned that our engagement party was on Mother's Day? Oh, right, and our wedding was shortly thereafter, on Father's Day. #FML.

Those first ones were fun and busy and exciting... but every Mother's Day and Father's Day after that have been brutal. I've felt "smothered". I've cried every year. Including this year, actually, but I'm not 100% sure why. Maybe because I'm still hurting from the past 5 years... but definitely because my heart was breaking for everyone still going through what we went through. And for the moms I know out there who have lost a child, which brings every struggle of mine to it's knees. I can't even begin to imagine.

One thought in particular ran through my head all day. Last week someone on Facebook (I knowwww) had posted a photo of a page in a book. She'd bought her daughter a kids' encyclopedia and there was a 2-page spread in it about reproduction and how babies are made. She wanted to know if others thought this was inappropriate for her 3 year old to be learning about. Like, should she wait a couple of years to tackle that subject. Fair question (in my opinon)... except...

There's ALWAYS an "except" when it come to FB, right??

So people are commenting on this picture, all giving their 2 cents, and someone pipes in with this:
"The first sentence in this book is wrong, "You need a mother and a father to make a baby." No, you need a male and a female ... any male and female.... they're not a mother and a father until a baby is born. LOL."

And then people chimed in and laughed about how "true" that is.
 
Now, listen. I didn't look up the actual definition of "mother" or "father" in a Webster's dictionary or anything.... but that sentence rubbed me the wrong way in SO. MANY. WAYS. I wrote about 50 responses to it, but never had the guts to send any of them. I just knew I wasn't going to have the energy to deal with the backlash. I'm still debating whether to send one.

But... COME THE FRICK ON. That's gotta be one of the most insensitive FB responses I've seen in a long time. It takes away the title of "mother" from such a huge group of women. Women who have had MCs. Women who have had stillbirths. Women who struggled with the decision to have an abortion. And so on and so forth. All of these women LOVED their BABIES on some level. Whether they got to spend 5 weeks with the child inside of them or 40 weeks, whether their child was ripped away from them unwillingly or even if they chose to abort it because they couldn't give it the life it deserved, there was and still is love there... and the loss of that child will stick with them for the rest of their lives. The memory of that child will haunt them forever. And, at least on some level, they will miss that baby until they die.

If none of those women are a "mother" then I don't even know what else to say.

17 Week Update

I. Am. EXHAUSTED.

 How far along: 17 weeks 5 days

Size of baby:  Onion? Pear?

Physical symptoms: Suuuuper bloated after eating, occasionally nauseous/vomited once this week (after some REALLY good pizza). Headaches, stuffy nose (due to allergies?). Restless legs when I lay down. Really having trouble getting comfortable and falling asleep (pillow between my legs is most successful but still not great). Today I got super dizzy when I stood up from my subway seat- pretty scary. Exhausted!!!! Constantly dying of thirst (and then urgently have to pee 2 seconds later). Constipated (sorry!). So so so moody and emotional. At any given time I either can't look at food or I'm legit ravenously hungry. And my face is constantly broken out, for the first time in my life. Hey, at least I missed this during middle school right?

Weight gain/loss: 2.5-10lbs on any given day. Yeah, Idk either. I blame the constipation!

Maternity clothes: So I received my Target order- I'd ordered two shirts in two colors each. The fancier ones will be really cute (right now they're too big and reallly make me look pregnant) but the other two are super unflattering, so I'm planning on returning them this week. Bummerrr.

Stretch marks: Nope!

Sleep: I'm e x h a u s t e d- had a loooot of trouble falling asleep all week. Literally got less than 2hrs a couple of nights. Idk what to doooo.

Best moment since last week: We told people! Our parents told their coworkers and family, we told some of our friends. We still don't want it plastered all over Facebook so we disabled our walls (we can post but no one else can post on our walls)... but there were a bunch of happily tearful reactions and it was really touching. Alsoooo we saw Alec Balwin in Babies R Us today. What?! Actually, E saw him. I saw the back of his head. :( But E said he was absentmindedly looking at people in the store and AB gave him this "Don't you freaking DARE recognize me" glare and that's when E realized who he was. Very friendly. ;) I wasn't sure I believed him until we got home and I googled him and realized he does have a baby, and I asked E what the woman he was with looked like (after I found a pic of AB's girlfriend) and E described her pretty accurately! So, there's that. 

Movement: I thought I was feeling him/her, but it's been quiet for a few days so I'm thinking maybe it was gas all along lol.

Cravings/Aversions: I don't know what I want at any given time. I'm either too grossed out by all food to figure out something I can stomach or I'm so ravenously hungry that I can't decide on anything.

Gender: We found out at our appointment but are going to confirm it at the 20week appt before we tell anyone, if anyone. 

Labor signs: Hopefully not anyyytime soon!

Belly button:  Innie

What I miss:  Sleeping!And I'm going to miss margaritas tomorrow (Cinco de Mayo, baby!)

What I am looking forward to: Our 20 week appointment! :) And feeling this kid realllly move. :)