12 Week Update

Whew. Crazy week, guys. Actually, that's not entirely true... last week was pretty uneventful, I think, but from Friday-this coming Thursday I'm busy almost every day. Friday night was obviously Shabbos, and we were at friends' apartment for a meal until after 1am. I was dead tired but finally got a second wind and it was really nice. This couple always has super interesting Shabbos guests, and this week was no different. Saturday we went to another friend's house for lunch and two of my besties were also there. That was a good time. After lunch, E and I stopped by another friend's house (we're really not usually this social! haha) because it was her husband's birthday. Another couple we're friends with were also there, and it was really nice too. We hung out there until after Shabbos, then headed home to freshen up before going out with our friends that moved to Long Island last year. We got pizza and then got ice cream. :)

On Sunday, E and I were supposed to go to brunch on the Upper West Side (we even had a reservation!) but we both overslept, whoops! So it was a lazy day until E went to work and I went to an engagement party. In our community, they're called a "l'chaim". It's definitely not invite-only. Anyone can show up to wish the bride and groom "mazel tov"/congratulations. The bride was a close friend of one of my friends, who didn't want to attend the party alone so I agreed to go with her. I don't know the bride well, but she's an acquaintance and she looked gorgeous. And I actually ate a bunch of salad and fruit (uh, and cookies), so that's a plus. ;)

Tomorrow, E's dad and uncle are going to be in Manhattan for business, so E and I are going to meet up with them for dinner after E gets out of school. E suggested we go to my fave Indian restaurant, and I'm definitely not arguing. Depending on how long dinner goes, I might go to a little class type thing at a friend's house afterwards... but I'm not counting on it.

Tuesday I have a wedding to go to. Another acquaintance from a bunch of years ago, but she recently got back in touch, so I'm going to "go for the dancing". 'Round here, wedding are invite-only for the dinner portion, but basically anyone can show up for the dancing that takes place after the meal. A few other friends are also doing that, so it should be fun. Also... we'll be 13 WEEKS that day. Holy moly.

Wednesday is actually a night off! E has school till 8 or 9 that night, but doesn't have to work so we'll have a quiet night in. We should probably start cleaning the apartment for Passover on Thursday.

And Thursday night is another friend's engagement party. The period of time from Passover until a holiday called Shavuot (in early June this year) is sort of a time of mourning on the Jewish calendar, and people don't hold weddings during that time... so the weeks before Passover are usually full of "simchas" or happy events that people are trying to cram in before Passover. :) This l'chaim is for an actual friend, and actually, one of my BEST friends is coming to town from Toronto for the party. So it'll be reallllly nice to see her!

Annnnd then it'll be Shabbos again. Let's get to the weekly update, shall we?

How far along: 12 weeks 6 days

Size of baby:  A plum?!

Physical symptoms: Sore boobs (but not as bad as before). Bloated. Constipated (sorry). Sensitive to smells (but less), less "gaggy", NOT *AS* NAUSEOUS and NO vomiting!!! Woo hoo! Some weird cravings/food aversions. Weird dreams. Irrationally moody... there have been a lot of tears. And headaches.

Weight gain/loss: Still up and down 2-3 lbs every few days. Overall, no gain.

Maternity clothes: Not yet! But my wardrobe options are dwindling.

Stretch marks: I don't think so...

Sleep: I've been waking up after 7-8 hours most days (normally I can go for like 10+ lol), and when I wake up, I'm UP. Not necessarily feeling rested, or even vaguely not-tired, but I absolutely cannot go back to sleep. And at night, when I get tired it comes out of nowhere and it's like BOOM! IgottaGotoBedNOW. There's like a short window where I'll be able to fall asleep in under 5-10 minutes (I never used to fall asleep right away) but if I miss it, my legs get crampy and it takes forever to fall asleep. Especially if E is snoring. ;)

Best moment since last week: Our 12 week doctor appointment! It was kind of a high-stress day because for whatever reason I was *convinced* there wasn't going to be a living baby. Idk why. But I was dreading it. Like a crazy person. And E was in a weird mood too. And then the Dr was kind of peeved because there had been a misunderstanding, and we hadn't done the nuchal translucency screening, we were supposed to have gone to an earlier appointment so their ultrasound tech could do the ultrasound... but no one told us that, and he'd left if up to us whether to do the NT. E and I talked about it and E really didn't want to do it (for a variety of valid reasons) and I chose to not fight that (one, single) battle. I'm not saying that's the right decision for anyone but us. That was just our decision. ANYWAY... the Dr wasn't impressed by us a) not doing it and b) not magically knowing we should've had an earlier appointment, and therefore he had to do the ultrasound (sonogram? what's the difference??) himself... so the whole appointment was kind of short and awkward. BUT! Here's the "best moment" part. We saw the heart beating (phewwww) and the kid measured appropriately, AND we could see it squirming around and kicking! I could actually barely see, but E saw the whole thing "loud" and clear and said it was amazingggg. What I saw was a big relief. And the Dr said the chances of, G-d forbid, an MC happening at this point are really low. So whether that's actually true or not, it's putting my nerves at ease.

Movement: Not that I can feel, but we saw it!

Cravings/Aversions: Sweet things still mostly taste "off" but are slowly starting to taste good again- I still need to water down juices and things like that though. I still want spicy things but not as much as before. Cooked tomatoes still make me gag (pasta sauces, etc) but not as badly. Chicken, meat and fish (raw or cooked) are still grossing me out. Still occasionally crave gefilte fish (baked "my" way). "Butter sandwiches" are still my go-to. E's made me eggs in a hole for breakfast twice recently and I've actually been able to eat the eggs. A+! And I've really wanted a specific friend's chicken soup for a few days now... there's chicken but not actual chunks of chicken in it, just the flavor from it. So good. I might make it tomorrow or something.

Gender: Leaning towards a girl this week. No particular reason. Just a feeling.

Labor signs: Hopefully not for 6 months!

Belly button:  Innie

What I miss:  Soft cheeses, caffeine!!!, alcohol when I'm at an event where people are drinking. I would love a margarita.

What I am looking forward to: The NEXT appointment- April 25th. We'll also probably "go public" around then. Only our closest family and friends know still. Also, Passover... and E having to help me clean the house for Passover this year bc I can't move the beds and couches by myself. Bwahaha. And more short-term, Tuesday, because we'll be 13 weeks and, if I'm not mistaken, OUT OF THE FIRST TRIMESTER. Whattup.

Ranting!

We're 12 weeks as of today. Holy cow. Our 12 week appointment is tomorrow and I am FREAKING out that there, G-D FORBID, won't be a heartbeat. NOTHING points to that being the case. Nothing rational should make me feel like this. I'm just like 90% convinced that it's going to happen and I'm worried, scared, and actually preemptively sad. I legit have no reason to think any of that.

Oysh. So I guess that's also a rant, but my main one is this: One of my BFF's from high school has been planning on giving herself a 2-3 month window to get pregnant for like 2 years now. Summer of 2015. Twenty FIFTEEN. Meaning, she wants to start trying in like July of 2015, and if it doesn't happen within 2-3 months, she's "gonna be pissed". I've told her about our struggles (separately! not in response!), so you'd think she would be careful about what she says... no? But she actually posts about it on Facebook. Like references it once a week.

Seriously?? Today she had a post about how she's thinking about doing a roadtrip with her husband next summer, "if" she's not pregnant by then. I just... can't. I can't even fathom being so sure of it. That it'll happen that quickly. That having (a) kid(s) is a GIVEN. That it's not a total miracle when/if it happens. And telling EVERYONE on your FB newsfeed about when you'll start trying. And being super cocky about it in the rest of your comments about it- she actually said once that she'll be upset if they don't end up with at least one of each gender after 3 kids (I think she even said they'd only have a 3rd if the first two are the same gender). UPSET?? Seriously?! Someone else commented something like "C'mon, as long as they're healthy, gender doesn't really matter..." and she responded with something like "Well yeah, but still if there's not one of each, one of us (her or her husband) is going to be really upset". It's legit mind blowing to me.

Maybe it's far enough off in the future that it's just not "real" to her? Not only that these are actual little humans that she's talking about bringing into this world, but also that she's putting all kinds of pressure on herself. That it's going to raise a million and one questions from people when it gets to be July 2015? Can't you just picture people being like, "So... did you start yet?"/"Are you pregnant yet?"/"How about now?"/"...Now?". Maybe she just doesn't realize that people can actually be that nosy? And that questions will get REALLY old REALLY fast? And that just because you get pregnant, it doesn't mean you're "safe"? I just don't know.

I wish her well. I really, really do. She's someone I legitimately care about, and I really hope it's as easy for her as she's hoping it will be, because that'll be a HUGH disappointment for her if it isn't. She'll be 30 at that point, and her husband is nearly 40, so I know she's trying to time it well in terms of their ages, especially with timing another one or two down the line.

I just was NEVER in my entire life that optimistic. I was always really cautious about the chances. Granted, I have PCOS and a family history of infertility, haha. But still. I just... don't... get it.