Ranting!

We're 12 weeks as of today. Holy cow. Our 12 week appointment is tomorrow and I am FREAKING out that there, G-D FORBID, won't be a heartbeat. NOTHING points to that being the case. Nothing rational should make me feel like this. I'm just like 90% convinced that it's going to happen and I'm worried, scared, and actually preemptively sad. I legit have no reason to think any of that.

Oysh. So I guess that's also a rant, but my main one is this: One of my BFF's from high school has been planning on giving herself a 2-3 month window to get pregnant for like 2 years now. Summer of 2015. Twenty FIFTEEN. Meaning, she wants to start trying in like July of 2015, and if it doesn't happen within 2-3 months, she's "gonna be pissed". I've told her about our struggles (separately! not in response!), so you'd think she would be careful about what she says... no? But she actually posts about it on Facebook. Like references it once a week.

Seriously?? Today she had a post about how she's thinking about doing a roadtrip with her husband next summer, "if" she's not pregnant by then. I just... can't. I can't even fathom being so sure of it. That it'll happen that quickly. That having (a) kid(s) is a GIVEN. That it's not a total miracle when/if it happens. And telling EVERYONE on your FB newsfeed about when you'll start trying. And being super cocky about it in the rest of your comments about it- she actually said once that she'll be upset if they don't end up with at least one of each gender after 3 kids (I think she even said they'd only have a 3rd if the first two are the same gender). UPSET?? Seriously?! Someone else commented something like "C'mon, as long as they're healthy, gender doesn't really matter..." and she responded with something like "Well yeah, but still if there's not one of each, one of us (her or her husband) is going to be really upset". It's legit mind blowing to me.

Maybe it's far enough off in the future that it's just not "real" to her? Not only that these are actual little humans that she's talking about bringing into this world, but also that she's putting all kinds of pressure on herself. That it's going to raise a million and one questions from people when it gets to be July 2015? Can't you just picture people being like, "So... did you start yet?"/"Are you pregnant yet?"/"How about now?"/"...Now?". Maybe she just doesn't realize that people can actually be that nosy? And that questions will get REALLY old REALLY fast? And that just because you get pregnant, it doesn't mean you're "safe"? I just don't know.

I wish her well. I really, really do. She's someone I legitimately care about, and I really hope it's as easy for her as she's hoping it will be, because that'll be a HUGH disappointment for her if it isn't. She'll be 30 at that point, and her husband is nearly 40, so I know she's trying to time it well in terms of their ages, especially with timing another one or two down the line.

I just was NEVER in my entire life that optimistic. I was always really cautious about the chances. Granted, I have PCOS and a family history of infertility, haha. But still. I just... don't... get it.