8 Week Update

Welp, it's been awhile. Again. Sorry guys!

There's just... not much going on. Thank G-d.

We had our first OB appointment on Friday. The office was running late so it took forever, but it's my regular gynecologist that I've been going to for years, so they know E and I really well and take the time to talk everythingggg over with us. Which is nice. He did a regular (non-vaginal) ultrasound, with the warning that if he couldn't see what he needed to see from that then he'd do a vaginal but he could see the heartbeat perfectly well (E says he also saw it and it was "really strong", but I have no idea what they were talking about, haha. I couldn't see anything moving. Whatevs!) and it was measuring close enough to 8w3d (which we were on Friday according to our IUI date) that he was totally satisfied with not doing more. I think it was like 7w6d or something.

Our next appointment isn't for a month (!!!) at 12 weeks, and we have to decide whether to do a test for Downs Syndrome. E doesn't want to, because we're not high-risk and even if it gives us high chances of having it, it doesn't mean it WILL be an issue. I'm not totally sold on not doing it, but I don't really know much about it and need to look into it more. Who knows.

Last Monday we went out for dinner at our favorite Indian restaurant (yummm) and then saw Avenue Q, which was hilarious but super crude. Like, uncomfortably crude. But still hilarious. And an old roommate of mine, who lives in Australia, came to stay with us from Friday-Sunday. Love her, but she's super high energy and it was a little intense. Thankfully she has family in town also, so she spent time with them as well. Then she and I went out to dinner with 3 other friends Saturday night, and that was super fun.

This coming week we have a black tie fundraiser event that E and I are going to. I rented a gown from RentTheRunway.com but it doesn't come until Wednesday (the event is Thursday)... and it's sequined? I don't know what I was thinking. I'm NOT a flashy person, but I waited until last week to pick a dress and it was one of only a few options left in my size for this week. So... emerald green sparkles it is. Yikes. Erm, here's a photo from the website, but I'll be wearing a black shell underneath it for modesty reasons:

Ugh I'm even more nervous now that I'm looking at it again. There's gonna be a lot of Spanx involved, I can tell you that much. Oh and did I mention that E hasn't rented his tux yet? And that he's scheduled to work that night even though he requested it off months ago? Yeah. Good times. Wish us luck. :)

Anyway, let's move on to the 8 week update, shall we?


How far along: 8 weeks 5 days (as of Sunday)

Size of baby: Raspberry :)

Physical symptoms: Sore boobs are baaack- and they've grown. E thought I was wearing a push-up bra on our date night and was floored when he realized it was a regular one when I was getting into pj's that night, lol. Bloated. Tiiiired again. Still SUPER sensitive to smells, very "gaggy", nauseous constantly (but not as bad as before). I get cravings but they're quick, and sometimes by the time I get the thing I wanted it's turned into an aversion, haha. Poor E. Also I've had dreams about certain foods that are unattainable: a certain bruschetta that we got once in rural Canada (~14hrs away from us) and marzipan rugelach we had in Jerusalem. As in, Jerusalem, Israel. Yep. That's not happening! If that one continues I might have to ask a friend to buy and ship them to me, lol). And some ACNE. Thank G-d, I missed out on this in high school, and it's really more like a rash than actual acne right now, but it's across both cheeks and not cute.

Weight gain/loss: Last we was REALLY carby because of the nausea, so as of yesterday I was up 5 or 6 lbs- yikes. But it's really like a 1-2lb gain bc I'm counting from before the iui and I started eating gluten again right after the iui (for the first time in almost a year), so that's why. I haven't been eating a LOT, but what I have been eating has been really carby and I've been constipated. K I'm done making excuses. Bring on the warm weather so I can go for some freaking walks!!!

Maternity clothes: Nope

Stretch marks: Nope

Sleep: A-ok in this department.

Best moment since last week: Hearing that there's still a heartbeat at our appointment- phew! And we told a few more people. Two very close friends on Monday and then our grandparents on Friday and Sunday. They're all VERY excited. The "circle of trust" is growing a lot faster than I'm comfortable with, but these are all people we'd share with if something G-d forbid went wrong, so that's reassuring. Also I think my mom let it slip to one of her sisters, because she asked my mom straight-out about how our fertility... journey?... is going and my mom's the worst liar in the world. So she told her on the condition that she doesn't tell a soul. And my aunt lost her husband almost exactly a year ago (my favorite uncle, btw), so it really lifted her mood and she was really grateful for the good news.

Movement: Not yet.

Cravings/Aversions: Sweet things still taste "off"- definitely not as good. I'm finding myself more drawn towards spicy and sour things whenever I have an appetite. Load on the wasabi on my (cooked) sushi. Don't you dare give me mildly spiced Indian food. Throw in an extra dash of hot sauce into that, please. It's all pretty out of character. Tomato sauces are kind of grossing me out (I ran into a real problem on Shabbos when the host serve a SPICY fish dish but it was covered in tomato-based sauce. What's a girl to do?? I couldn't eat it in the end). Raw and baked chicken are still grossing me out. Any chunk of meat, really. If it's in something (like how Indian is served on/in rice), I can handle it (still not thrilled about it though), but by itself it's just nauseating. I sort of am just grossed out by everything but can sort of find a limited window of time where things are appealing and I have to jump on it right then or it's gross again. Fun and games. :)

Gender: E and my mom keep calling it "he". Like maybe only once in the past week did E correct himself and say "Oh, or 'she'...". lol. I'm also leaning towards a "he" but I have no reason for that, and would be just as thrilled with a girl. My mom and I also discussed today how I've got thick, curly, dark hair and E has thin, straight, blonde hair, and his dad's hair is like strawberry blonde, so this kid could end up with any combination of those! Pretty crazy. Probably blue eyes though since E and I both have blue eyes, as do all of our parents. Boom.

Labor signs: Hopefully not for 7+ months!

Belly button:  Innie

What I miss:  Nothing!

What I am looking forward to: Tuesday and hitting the 9 week mark (3/4 of the way through the 1st trimester!!!) and so on. I'm really anxious about everything, so every day feels a little bit "safer". And at the same time, scarier because, G-d forbid, if something bad happens it'll be worse the farther along we are. Not that there's any tangible reasons to be nervous, but y'know, I'm me. So it's complicated.

Oh, Heyyyy....

Long time no see. You're not missing out on much over here, there's not much happening.

Last week my nausea got super over-the-top, like I literally couldn't even eat, so we called the RE's office and he called in a prescription for a nausea med. I forget what it's called, but I take it at bedtime and it has a little pink outline of a pregnant lady on it. Subtle.

Anywho, it's helping. I'm definitely still constantly nauseous and have even vomited once or twice (after a car ride or smelling something gross), but my appetite is back! We even went out with some friends last night to get Chinese food! I find that I'm full REALLY quickly, but given that I'm being drawn to carbs, that's probably not the worst thing in the world. ;)

Tomorrow we've got a "date day" planned. It'll be our first in awhillllle. E was super sick for a couple of weeks there, and I was too nauseous, and we were visiting my family after the iui... plus the weather has been insane. Idk where the time went, but we haven't gone out in a looong time, which is super not like us. So we're going to an early dinner at our favorite Indian restaurant and then we got 2-for-1 tickets to see Avenue Q since it's "Off-Broadway Week" here in NYC. 8th row, baby. We both had the soundtrack in college, so we know all of the songs by heart, but neither of us has actually seen it. We're pretty excited.

One of my best friends lives in Australia and she's coming to NYC for a family wedding this week and staying with us Friday-Sunday.... I'm pretty excited, except that she asked me what I'm doing Friday and when I told her I had a doctor appointment in the city she replied, "Great! I'll go with you. I want to do some shopping there!". Ahem. That'd be my first OB appointment, folks. So that should be an interesting subway ride... I really don't want to spill the beans to her yet (she's not exactly great with secrets), but I'm The.Worst.Liar in the world. So. Y'know.

Side note: Any suggestions for where I could get a gown on the cheap? I'd need to wear a fancy shell underneath it for Jewish modesty reasons, and I need it for March 6 (I knowwww). I'm thinking of either Rent the Runway or finding something on Amazon but I dunno. I might run to Macy's tomorrow before dinner and try on a few things, but they probably won't have anything as cheap as I'm hoping for. We have a Black Tie fundraiser to go to... I know, don't we sound so much fancier than we are?

Um, and here's a traumatic story for you. This is a really tragic story. Last night E and I got into some stupid, but epic, argument. We were up until like 7am talking it through. I blame his absolute exhaustion and my... whatever. Hormones? Anyway, we finally fell asleep close to 8 maybe, and apparently at about 9:30am a young man was killed by a garbage truck right outside our apartment. WTF. We somehow slept through the entire thing... which is miraculous in a way, because I would have absolutely lost my $#!+ if I'd witnessed it. I can't believe it.  I mean, we're on the 4th floor and everything, but there were photos of the scene on a local news website, and there must have been so many sirens and yelling. He was a mid-20s Rabbinical student from the Ukraine who had been studying in NJ... he was in town for a friend's wedding (which was today), and was actually with the groom at the time of the accident. He was killed instantly. I can't even imagine. Maybe this is why I've been extra nauseous today. I know a few people who knew him, and he was his family's ONLY CHILD and they still live in the Ukraine. I seriously feel like someone punched me in the gut every time I remember that detail. Their ONLY CHILD. It's seriously so above and beyond sad. I don't have anything deep to say. I'm just so sad for them.

I guess the only thing to take away from it is to appreciate everything we have, every minute that we have it. It's such a paranoid way to live (if done out of fear of things like this), but I don't know what else to think.

7 Week Update

Wahhhh sorry I've been MIA. As you'll see from this week's questionnaire, the theme of my life has been "nausea". I've been a useless human being. I have a work shift tomorrow and it's gonna be mighty interesting (I have a pretty physical job). Listen, I'm not at all complaining about this nausea- I wouldn't trad it for anything. I've been working towards this for 5 years. I'm loving every second of it. But it is a constant issue I'm dealing with... and I do mean constantly. So please forgive all of the mentions of it in this post.

I actually got out of the house for a few social events this weekend though! Saturday night I went to a friend's house where another friend taught about 9 of us how to crochet. It took awhiiiiile but I finally caught on and have almost finished off my 2nd thing of yarn already! I've found it's a good distraction from the nausea (esp. when paired with binge-watching 30 Rock on Netflix ;)).

I also went out to dinner with 4 friends Monday night because one was visiting from LA and we hadn't seen her in a year. I had basically no appetite at dinner, but G-d did me a solid and made the gnocchi I ordered be seriously lacking salt (and slightly burnt), so I had an excuse to not eat so much. My LA friend ended up sleeping at our place last night too, which was super awesome (sleepover!!) except for when I had to silently puke in the bathroom next to the guest room in the middle of the night. Urgghhh.

K anyway, here we go....

How far along: 7 weeks 1 day

Size of baby: Blueberry!

Physical symptoms: Slightly sore boobs. Bloating. Less tired! SUPER sensitive to smells, MAJORLY nauseous constantly, a little vomiting. No cravings- too nauseous to want anything.

Weight gain/loss: Still up 4-5lbs but like I said last week, I started eating gluten again so that's our explanation right there. I've basically only been able to eat carbs bc of the nausea. It's super healthy.

Maternity clothes: Nope

Stretch marks: Nope

Sleep: I've been sleeping pretty well! It takes a little to fall asleep- you guessed it, bc of the nausea- but once I'm asleep I'm generally out for the night.

Best moment since last week: We heard the HEARTBEAT!!! Amaaaazing moment.

Movement: Nope.

Cravings/Aversions: The smell of cooking meat still grosses me out. Most things gross me out, including my cravings from previous weeks- I can't go near baked potatoes and bagels with scallion cream cheese. Sweet things are still "too sweet", which is still throwing me for a loop (huge sugar fiend usually).

Gender: I had one dream that we had a boy and another dream that it was a blonde girl. Add that to last week's dream that it was a brunette girl and I guess we're team girl this week?


Labor signs: Hopefully not for 7+ months!

Belly button:  Innie

What I miss:  Thinking I was going to miss out on morning sickness/nausea. Ha. Ha. Ha.

What I am looking forward to: Our first OB appt (in 2 Fridays).

Houston, We Have a Heartbeat!

The RE said it was 122bpm which is "perfect" for 6w3d. And he released us to our OB! Ahhhh! I'm going to miss all of the RE's office staff and nurses!! We're so far choosing to use the OB-GYN we went to when we first figured something was "wrong". We both like him and he (it's two brothers actually) has done my yearly exams anyway. We made our first appointment as soon as we got home from the RE, and go there the 28th (2 weeks from today). Holy crap. Posting today's ultrasound aftre the break (in case you don't wanna see).

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Postponed!

Welp, we were supposed to have another sonogram and maybe see the heartbeat yesterday (Thursday), but Mother Nature wanted none of that. We couldn't get to the office because of the storm! Even if we technically could have, E decided it was too dangerous to head out in the snowstorm for an appointment the RE told us could take place anytime from yesterday through next Thursday. Obviously my anxiety is through the roof. We have to call in the morning to see if they can squeeze us in, but if not we have to wait till Monday. Bummerrrr.

Here's my next little questionnaire:

How far along: 6 weeks 3 days

Size of baby: Sweet Pea :)

Physical symptoms: Sore boobs, but less so. Bloating. A little less exhausted (but still reallllly tired). A bit sensitive to smells, general mild nausea (all day) and some bouts of EXTREME nausea. On Wednesday I was freaking out full-blast because I wasn't at all nauseous, but then around dinnertime it hit full-force. I haven't actually vomited but I've spent some time in the bathroom thinking it's gonna happen at any second. I've got buckets in like 3 different rooms. And big-time food aversions.

Weight gain/loss: I'm up like 4-5lbs but I started eating gluten again so that's our explanation right there. I've kind of only been able to eat carbs bc of the nausea. It's super healthy.

Maternity clothes: No!

Stretch marks: Nope

Sleep: E has had an upper respiratory infection all week, so sleep has been intermittent. His nose is stuffed and gross so he's been snoring like a bear, so the first night I slept in the guest room so we'd both get some real sleep, the next night I made him sleep in the guest room, and last night we were back to normal but I still didn't sleep much until after he got out of bed. Then I slept till the afternoon (whoops), which explains why I'm still up now.

Best moment since last week: A friend confided to me that she's also pregnant (she figured out I was bc she knew I had the iui and hadn't texted her swear words 2 weeks later), and she's due right around the same time. So I have a little buddy.

Movement: Nope.

Cravings/Aversions: The smell of cooking meat still grosses me out. Most things gross me out. I've had a few baked potatoes, and bagels with scallion cream cheese (but I think that craving has passed). I'm usually a huuuuuge sugar fiend but I've found things to be "too sweet" lately (I've never known that feeling in my life, lol)

Gender: I had a dream that it's a dark haired girl... we were teaching her how to walk in the Brooklyn Botanic Gardens. It was pretty adorbs.

Labor signs: Hopefully not for 8 months!

Belly button:  Innie

What I miss:  Thinking I was going to miss out on morning sickness/nausea, haha.

What I am looking forward to: Our next RE appt- whenever that is! And as of Tuesday we're 7 weeks and get upgraded to the size of a blueberry. :)

50th Post: Positive Vibes

Ok. It's time to officially 'fess up. I'm so nervous to post this, fearing that it will hurt any of you and that makes me feel absolutely awful. I am so so sorry and am thinking of all of you.

If you happen to know me in real life, please don't say anything about it yet. We won't be officially telling anyone until we (G-d willing) pass the 4 month mark, but... as of right now...

We're pregnant. How's that for a 50th post?! We found out last Tuesday, so we've had about a week and a half to process it, and it's slow-going. We had an ultrasound yesterday (Thursday) and saw the little circle and yolk sac (?) forming. I don't really know what anything means and I don't have numbers to report. E and I were so overwhelmed. "It" was measuring either 8mm or 11mm (We both heard different things, ha ha. Is mm even the right measurement?). We go back next Thursday for another ultrasound and blood work and the RE said there's a tiiiiny possibility we'll be able to hear a heartbeat. For reals??

Everything is super duper early- we're only about 5w3d (as of Friday). I. Am. Petrified. Beyond petrified, really. I'm so scared that something bad's going to happen after trying for SO LONG and going through so much and finally having this amazing thing happen. But I keep saying that no matter what, this was a huge step in the right direction. We know that we CAN get pregnant. We HAVE gotten pregnant. Idk. We get to be "parents" now, and even if it's (G-d forbid) all over tomorrow, nothing can take that title away from us. And that's what I'll be clinging to if (G-d forbid) something goes wrong.

The only people we've told is our own parents, who are over the moon. I texted them the ultrasound photo this morning and E's mom wrote back, "<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 Oh my goodness. How can I do anything else today but stare at this miracle?" lol. A little over-the-top, but our thoughts exactly. If we get Thursday's blood work results back later today, I'll update this with the deets and maybe even throw in the pic.

(Update: The nurse just called! She said my progesterone is 15 and hcg is 9,025 and said it's all perfectly normal... I'm about to consult Dr. Google about just how normal it is bc I'm neurotic. I'm going to throw in a pic at the very bottom in case you don't want to see.)

So far all we know is that the blood work from last Tuesday was "perfect" and the RE said everything on the ultrasound today was also "perfect". I like that word in this context. We brought the office staff donuts in celebration this morning. They all think E is hilarious anyway, but this really sealed the deal for us to be some of their fave patients. ;) Our favorite secretary in the office ran and hugged me from behind when we were scheduling our next appt at the end. She was SO HAPPY for us. It's a big relief to have these relationships.

In other news, I quit my job. I work in a residence for women with severe special needs, and it's a really physical job. It's just not a safe environment for me to be in right now- the women occasionally physically lash out and can unknowingly do a lot of damage. Money's going to be tight, and I'm a little bit nervous, but E and I had always discussed that I would quit the second I got pregnant for safety reasons. I've been there for almost 7 years; I love all of the ladies who live there, have many coworkers whom I love, and I'm going to be really sad to go (I'm finishing up my February shifts), but I would never forgive myself if something happened at work.

Idk what else to say. Here's a little questionnaire:

How far along: 5 weeks

Size of baby: Apple Seed. We're calling him/her "Johnny" this week. ;)

Physical symptoms: Super sore boobs. Bloating. Insanely exhausted- beyond a zombie (I slept super late AND napped yesterday, which explains why I'm up at 2am writing this). A tiny bit sensitive to/nauseous from smells. Peeing pretty frequently. E has been craving chicken wings ALL WEEK. He's seriously eaten them for dinner about 4x. It's crazy. He claims he's having pregnancy cravings for me. Right...

Weight gain/loss: The crappy expecting-a-negative-outcome eating caught up with me. I'm up 3-4lbs from a couple of weeks ago, but sometimes I go up or down 5lbs in a day. I'm about the same. I'd like to lose a bit before I actually gain pregnancy weight.

Maternity clothes: Not yet!

Stretch marks: Nope

Sleep: Getting a lot of sleep (not always at normal times) but I'm definitely waking up from having to pee, which never happened before.

Best moment since last week: I took a second HPT (well, third- I took two on the day they called with my blood test results) on Sunday and it was darker than the ones on Tuesday. Hurray!

Movement: Way too early.

Cravings/Aversions: The smell of cooking meat (all of E's chicken wings) grosses me out. I get cravings year-round, so I've had a few different mild cravings this week but nothing out of the ordinary.

Gender: Chinese gender predictor says boy... who the heck knows!

Labor signs: Hopefully not for 8+months!

Belly button:  Innie

What I miss:  NOTHING!

What I am looking forward to: Our next RE appt on Thursday. Eeeek!

K I'm gonna hold my breath and hit "publish". Again, I am so so sorry from the bottom of my heart if this hurts even one of you, and I 100% understand if you never read another post from me again. Thinking of you guys. Keep scrolling for the pic.... Or stop scrolling if you don't want to see our blob. :)

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Liebster Award

First of all, I'm REALLY sorry for dropping off the face of the earth for a week. I'm going to hopefully post a real update on Friday (but there's also a tiny update in the comments of my previous post).



I want to thank Plan Y for nominating me for the Liebster Award! I've seen other bloggers getting nominated for it and was shocked when I got to the bottom of her nomination post and saw our little blog's name there at the bottom. It really means a lot-- I've never gotten nominated for anything! :) The "rules" are to include the Liebster Award photo, link to the blog of the person who nominated you, answer the questions, and nominate a few other people. So here we go...

1. What is your middle name?
Jeanne, after my grandmother

2. When did you get married?
June 2009, in Brooklyn NY. I think I've mentioned it once or twice (eyeroll), but we're Chasidic Jews. So this was our Big Fat Chassidic Wedding.It was a crazy, but awesome day. :)

3. Favorite event in the Winter Olympics?
Hockey! When I was little I wanted to be the first female in the NHL. The fact that I'm a terrible ice skater apparently never hit me as being an issue.

4. Best thing about summer?
Uh, everything! Except the NYC humidity. Sunshine, ice cream, long dresses and skirts. We also go visit E's family lake cottage in Canada for about a week every summer, so that's always a big thing to look forward to.

5. Favorite TV series?
Past: Boy Meets World, Friends, Breaking Bad
Current: How I Met Your Mother (E is so much like Marshall it's scary), Downton Abbey, Parenthood, Homeland (I'm sure I'm forgetting something!)

 
6. Favorite music artist from the 70s?
Elton John. Billy Joel. Fleetwood Mac. The Eagles.

7. Favorite movie from the 1990s?
Notting Hill. Now and Then. Hmmm... I'm sure I could come up with 100 more.

8. Why do you blog?
I guess I was sick of posting my crafty things on Facebook... and I wanted to be able to document my adventures with the Low Amylose "diet". We were on a break from RE appts and medications and everything, trying to lose some weight and get healthier before starting up again, and I was hoping the blog would keep me on track. I don't think I blogged often enough for it to be helpful, but my blogging actually picked up a lot once we headed back to the RE this fall. I was feeling sick of talking about everything with friends who cared so so much but had no experience with infertility. It's such an enormous part of my life that takes up so much time, and I just needed an outlet. I never imagined I'd find such a community on here as I have. Thanks guys. :)

 K so I guess my nominees will be (I'm notorious for forgetting important things, so please don't take it personally if I missed you!!):
Waiting For Baby Bird
The Ultimate Oxymoron
I Want Mac and Cheese
The Barren Librarian
Missing Noah
It Only Takes One
Sailing On Uncharted Waters
Infertile Girl in a Fertile World